I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
