She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
