who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Holy sore nipples Batman
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
