I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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