i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
