So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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