I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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