Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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