sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
