Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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