i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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