I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
