I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
