My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
