The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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