She said her name was "party"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
