I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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