taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
