Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
