I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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