he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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