So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think my moral compass just broke
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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