i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
