I am in a vortex of obligation.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
