There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Mom said you looked used
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
