oh god the rape fog is back!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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