you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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