She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
