Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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