He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
