If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
