So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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