I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pants are for mortals
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
