Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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