Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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