here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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