He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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