Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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