You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
