Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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