I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
