Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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