oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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