So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
