i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
