we have officially lost it.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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