awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
