I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
