Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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