Im at strip club and am horny
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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