How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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