Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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