I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
