I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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