So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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