In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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