There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
