You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
