Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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